David's Blog

Missing Things

I miss a lot of things out here in the bookfield. It is so strange to still be in the middle of America and yet feel so out of touch with everything. I am glad that I can still log on, but I am so busy that I still feel disconnected with almost everything. I think that this is going to be the longest period of time in my life that I have gone without watching a movie.

I've actually managed to watch bits and pieces of movies in the different hosues that I go into throughout the summer, but I never really get to sit down and watch a movie, play a video game, read a book, etc. There is no escape. I am stuck in the reality of this dream-like world of constant work. There is barely time for sleep and getting ready for the next day.

Sure, I occasionally make some time to write e-mails to people, take care of personal financial business online, and blog, but other than these things I do little else but drive from house to house knocking on doors trying to sell books.

The crazy thing is that I actually still kinda like this job. I am just convinced that it would be better if there was more down time to it. We need more than one day a week for a break and we also need more than nine to ten hours a day off for sleeping, showering, eating and getting organized for the next day.

So, I take breaks. I take a break at times to leave Joy a voicemail. I call my mom, my dad, and I even talked to Steve yesterday. I don't think that it should be bad for me to take a half an hour or so out of my day to do these things. However, they strongly advise against this sort of thing. Any time you spend taking a break could be that one extra door you could have knocked on to get one more sale. Well, I think that maybe forgoing that sale is worthwhile for my sanity. I'll still be working 13 hours of the day through everything that happens.

Honestly, I can't wait until this is over, but I also daily consider doing it again next year. This job is the most emotionally polarized thing I have ever experienced. I am always one way and then the exact opposite -- one right after the other -- sometimes simultaneously. I can't figure out for sure if it is because of my personality, my piscean nature, or if everyone feels this way. It seems as though everyone has felt a full variety of emotions this summer and summers past, but I don't see or hear of many people feeling them all at once.

When today is done I will be half way done with the time that I spend in Alabama. I am already more than halfway done with the program as a whole, and the part in which I am selling books. I've come this far, I know, so I can definately make it the rest of the way. I just pray that I can improve so that I get some money and some respect from my peers in the program.

I've learned so, so very much this summer. I really hope that I can remember at least half of all that I've learned. Luckily, Joy is taking notes for me when she gets her voicemails so we can have a collection of my thoughts and experiences at the end of this. Maybe after sifting through all that and some of these blogs I'll have a wealth of new knowledge and wisdom that I can use for the rest of my life. That can be worth much more than the money that I may or may not make this summer.

Posted by David at June 23, 2004 09:08 AM