Dahnell started delivering books Thursday because he has tons of customers and he has to deliver for Andrew, who died earlier this summer. This is important because these last two days and tomorrow he is waking up an hour or more earlier than I am to get on the road so he can start at 7AM instead of 7:59 or earlier like the normal summer schedule.
Now, this means that he wakes up, gets ready, and goes much much earlier than I do. It also means that the alarm goes off at 6AM with me in the room all by myself. Fortunately I am on the top bunk so I do need to make a concerted effort to get out of bed and turn off the alarm. I'd also need to do more work to get back into bed afterwards. So both of those things help with the discipline to get up.
Yesterday, I got up, started my day and got to my first house by 7:51AM. That was great! I did well. I was going to rock it out on Thursday because I've been sucking all week.
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Today, I got up at 6AM, I started getting ready... then I turned on the computer. It wasn't here yesterday morning to tempt me, but today it is here and I lost. That would have only kept me from work another half an hour to an hour, because eventually I do get finished writing e-mails, blog entries and blog comments to the other blogs I read. So, I took a nice hot shower. Then I decided I should take a nap, because I was already too late to get an honest start time. The nap didn't really work. I am so used to be on an adrenaline rush in the morning that I was wired laying in bed. After 45 minutes of drifting into and out of consciousness I decided to get up again. I started getting ready and then talked to Karen for a while.
At 10AM she got a call. It was for me or Dahnell. It was the shipping company with our books. Praise God I was home. Last time this happened (the company called the HQ instead of our cell phones) Karen took the call, didn't take any notes, messed up the delivery, and didn't tell me about it for five days.
So, now I am emotionally conflicted. I know that I really, really should not have stayed home today. I also know that I was kinda doing it for several reasons -- one of which had to do with outright rebellion against the company and anger for having had such a pathetic week despite reasonably strong efforts. However, had I not done this I would have likely had to deal with a major issue with the books again, and Dahnell would have really been up a creek. So, I'm torn. Can I feel justified in my actions now that such an important thing was handled properly? Was God just using my rebellious spirit and actions to help out me and Dahnell? Can I just enjoy my time off and think nothing of it?
I don't know, but I think that enjoying my time off is all I really can do at this point. Thinking back on how many people have bought from me so far in Arab I don't really think I am missing out on much of a book selling opportunity by not being out there for half of the day today. I also still have tomorrow to clean up whatever areas I think are the best prospects.
OTHER SIDE THOUGHTS FROM THIS MORNING:
I was not able to take a nap today nor would I have been able to sleep in. This actually came as a frustrating suprise at first, but I quickly remembered that the B-Contract dealers all told me that I would not be able to sleep in when I got back home for a week or more. Spending the whole summer in an extremely consistant schedule has a huge impact on everyone's sleep schedule and body cycles.
I now know that when I get back to Florida I will very likely wake up early in the morning still, and I will be totally pumped up every day for quite some time.
Perhaps I will keep this up for a little while by working out and running everyday and continuing to wake up at the same time every day. The latter of those two would definately be easier to accomplish, but both are doable if I want them. The only issue is that I won't be running around door-to-door all day, because I will have to sit in class for part of the day. Oh well, that should just leave me with all the more energy for working out when class is over.
Posted by David at August 6, 2004 01:21 PMRom 8:28 God uses everything for good (even rebellion) but I don't think that it justifies an action that's wrong. So don't justify the staying home, yet don't condemn yourself over it or stay in guilt. God doesn't desire for you to be in guilt. So if you do something you're not suppose to: pray for forgiveness, repent, and let it go.
Tomorrow is a whole other day. I will be praying for your struggles and for your strength.