David's Blog

I have such issues with the "relationship" idol here...and am in total agreement that God created us as worshipers..how sad we are constantly looking to completely earthly things to force this worshiping nature upon.

What's hard about idolizing relationships is that we know that we can grow from others, and God clearly wants us to have fellowship and companionship in numerous forms. He calls us to love one another, and how often does what we consider love become an excuse or reason as to why we put friends, family, and significant others ahead of God.

What's strange about idolizing relationships is that this has only become a major problem in my life since I have come to know Christ personally. I guess before there weren't too many relationships I considered that important or significant (though perhaps there are a few I can recall now that I think on it)...anyways, I just find so much joy and love around certain people, especially when we are centering our conversation around God, that I come to truly put them ahead of God himself. How odd it all is, and how Satan always finds a way to get to us and our human nature.

I don't have a good replacement for this one yet, and neither do I have one for the sex/ females idol(or in the case of me, males of course)....however, just keep praying about it, and I will indeed keep you in my prayers (and the other way around please as well).

I will pray for both of you. I have tons of experience with idols unfortunately. I can't say that I understand idolizing relationships because I don't. I've noticed that in both of you and I'm glad that you both see that and are praying about it. Let me know if I can help you in anyway. Ultimate love and acceptance and intimacy that we all crave comes from God. My idols are different than yours, yet the struggle is the same.

My idols are...

1. Activity - I always have to be doing something in ministry or school or life. I can't just sit and be. I'm not content in quiet stillness. I need to be on the go. This has been a problem this semester

2. Food - I have a huge problem with giving food more importance that it deserves. I don't necessarily put it above God, but I pay way to much attention to it. I tend to overeat.

3. Sexual thoughts and fantasies- despite my growth this is still a huge battle for me. It's a daily battle. Sometimes I'd rather sin and indulge a fantasy than be obedient to taking every thought captive to Christ. This is bad and only makes things worse. I have to constantly train myself that thinking about such stories is not worth the sin and damage done to my soul and relationship with God. My old tactic was to busy myself so much that I don't have time to think of such things, yet that doesn't work so much anymore. I have such a big imagination and have always entertained myself through thinking because of being an only-child. I have to readjust everyday and make the choice to obey God.

4. Being good - I don't know about this one, but it's soooo important to me. I want to be good and righteous so much. I can't stand it when I sin. I can't stand messing up. I just want to be good. But if I were good I wouldn't deperately need God.

I can't think of any others now and I should get to bed...I love you guys.

Yeah, one thing that I had read was that things that God commands us to do can get out of hand and take over an inordinate part of our lives -- becoming an idol. Family, church service, giving, wanting to live righteously, freedom, and even sex are great examples of Godly things that can sour with worship. These are also all great things that God wants us to do, but we are called to do them and enjoy them with God as the motivation -- not feeding an emotional dysfunction.

School was one example that you mentioned you were struggling with, Jenn, and I just remember thinking that after you are done wrestling with you issues there you're life might still look very much the same -- especially to teachers and parents who just see the grades.

So, some of this goes back to inspecting the heart. Is what I am doing motivated by my deep love, admiration and appreciation of God and the subsequent desire to please Him? Or am I either trying to win my own salvation somehow or worshiping something other than God?

Christianity gets frustrating at this point, because the struggle is on-going and I want victory, rest, and complacency. Fortunately, I want to deepen my relationship with God more than that and I am willing to put in the work to recognize and change my heart-motivations to what I am doing with my life.

David, this is a random question that rally isn't all that relevant to the blog at hand, but it just came to mind for some reason as I was reading your blog once more (have no clue why)...

So what is the chance that I will find a "good christian boy"...I mean, I was holding out on this before, and now my holding out has even escalated to a new level that I didn't even have earlier in life....in comparison to high school and the like. I mean, you know how you think, and therefor you are slightly more privy to the knowledge of the random average man than I am. And I was just curious if it is absolutely absurd to think that I will find this...or should I just realize that perhaps whomever I find will be someone that I will have the "work with" and guide him to Christ and closer relationship. I mean, wouldn't that be even that more awesome if it were the case. Am I just being greedy and spoiled to want a guy who is already close to God and all that jazz. But then again, I don't know if I want to look at my pursuit for a male counterpart as an endeavor in evangalism...oh my, it's just late, and I ramble when it's late. Love you soooo much

I just want to clarify something in the above remark after reading it now.,,,I realize that in any relationship, ideally the primary and most important aspect is to help that other person come closer to God. So I hope no one assumes that I implied that I expect some perfect man that lives and breathes a Godly life constantly. I was more or less distinguishing between Christians and non-christians....men who are at least striving for God contrasted with men that make no effort in this.

I totally understand what you meant Jenn. I'm not David, but I'm going to answer this question anyways. Your chances are irrelvant. You may not want to hear that, but it's the truth. I know that you look out into the church and the world and wonder where on earth did all the good guys go, but it doesn't matter. Do you know why? God is going to bring you the man that he wants you to marry. God--not you--will make sure that the boy notices you, falls in love with you, and askes you out. You don't need to be "on the lookout." You don't need to worry or wonder about your chances. Even if the ratio of men to women was 1:7 on this earth and the chances looked slim, your trust in God's faithfulness tells you that God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19)

God is going to bring you a wonderful husband Jenn, but first you must learn true contentment in him in your current state of singleness, otherwise He might make you wait longer. You see Jenn, right now as single Christian women, we have the best resource that we can give God--our time. Right now we're not obligated to a family and all of it's needs. Therefore right now God calls us to use our time for Him in this season of our lives. We are to serve him now in this undivided state of devotion since all of our concern is how to please the Lord (check out I Corinthians 7).

I know and understand what you are feeling because I've felt the same way before. But God showed me that it was only my own insecurity and lack of trust in His control over my life. It was also one more thing that I wasn't willing to admit (you ready for this one?). My lack of trust in him to bring me a good godly husband was a result of my pride. Think about that one for a while, it'll make sense.

Once I actually accepted what God has planned for me, my life was a lot less stressful. I realized that it doesn't matter how many good Christian guys are around me right now because I'm not picking one for me, God has already choosen for me.

Your chances of finding a good godly Christian man are actually so good that God is going to bring you one in the right timing. For the time being we are not to dwell on what we don't have in relationships despite the desires of our hearts. I know that current situations aren't helping this, but we must remember that we are the ones that let these things get to us. We choose to dwell on certain issues, or talk about certain things, and dream about certain desires.

Jessica, I totally appreciate all you have and I agree with it...However, my question was more of a psychological question, or one for a mathematical statician to answer really...and I would like to clarify a few points....
1. Though there are moments that I do wish I had a handy dandy boyfriend about, I would say that I am superbly content in my singleness...perhaps more content than anyone I have really known (except perhaps you)...I have been so content in my singleness for I don't know how many years...content enough to do lots of rejecting and being obcenely picky my entire life. I don't mean to sound defensive, it's just that I don't want to come across as some guy hungry girl.

2. Well, now that I think on it, I don't reall have a point 2..haha...oh wait, yes I do.....It's somewhat like doing well in school or anything else we might trust God with. Just because we have faith that God will provide us with good grades or will take us down a given career path or help us get through a situation doesn't mean we should be passive in those areas and not do our homework or not pursue our career or not be actively involved in whatever we are confronted with. He made us creatures of free will for a reason, and he expects us to use this will wisely. And so be it with a husband...it's not something any girl can just expect to happen to her....she has to realize that she might need to make efforts just as she would in any other area of her life. Sure, i trust God, but God gave me avenues and paths to pursue and be involved in in regards to numerous sectors of my life, and I believe finding a husband is one of them.

I guess it comes down to finding that precise point where we can give it all up to God, but then remain driven...and not passively live life expecting God to just fill in the gaps. God has things ordained for all of us, but that doesn't mean our choices and actions don't matter...the complexity in which God works is far beyond any of us and what we can perceive and interpret as humans

Jenn, I already sent you an e-mail about this, but I did that right away, before I knew there were so many comments here about this.

As I said in the e-mail. I think that God will hook you up.

Here's something I wrote in the e-mail that I'd like to restate in the blog, because I think it is good truth for anyone/everyone...
I assure you that you will have to "work with" him constantly. That is what you're relationship will be all about. Sure, there will be times where you are in 'harvest mode' and you're enjoying all the work you've done to build up the relationship, but generally life is only a small part 'harvest mode' and the rest of life is 'cultivation mode', 'sewing mode', and 'ground working' mode, y'know? (Unless you're backsliding then there are field burning, plagues, droughts, etc. but I left that out earlier. :) )

I agree with a lot that Jessica said, but I want to add that God is pretty clear that he wants us to be ready for things. Sure, God will be in control when a guy comes your way to scoop you up, but if you are unprepared, have a cold shell, or seem too busy for adding something new to your life... the guy might think that you aren't interested in a courtship or anything more.

Basically, if you are asking God for a "good Christian guy" there is a really good chance that he'll come your way. Also, if you are praying for something you have to have faith that God may answer your prayer. Be always ready for both a yes or a no answer, but keep your focus on God.

Think about this example -- "I have an umbrella in my backpack to be prepared for acts of God and other Florida situations, but I am really just focused on school and getting to and from classes." And Jenn, this is Florida. Rain happens all the time. As do Christian studs who are worth your time.

I tell people to think of it this way from time to time. You're living in Florida. There are tens of thousands of available and willing people who are your age, but not your gender. You are a kind, intelligent and attractive person. You could think of it as almost an act of God that you haven't come into this relationship situation already. God's totally in control, y'know!