This past Sunday my family held a small memorial service for my Mom's mother. We called her Granny for all of my life, so that's how I'll refer to her here too.
The service was in a small Presbyterian church in downtown Fort Myers. Only members of my family and the two pastors were there for the service. She didn't have many friends here in Fort Myers, because she was from Texas. She had only been living here in Florida for a few years in a assisted living facility.
The memorial was pretty sad. It was somewhat run by my mom in a behind the scenes way, but the actual service was put on by the pastor of the church.
Pretty much everyone who was there that was part of our family got up and had some sort of part in the service. I read Proverbs 31:10 to the end, whatever verse that is.
My mother and Toby seemed to be the most upset at the service by far. They were probably the ones who knew Granny the best. I guess my Dad knew granny pretty well too, but he's 73 and has watched a lot of friends and loved ones pass already, so it seems to make less of an impact on him. My dad got up and spoke, which was funny. He is always pretty funny; particularly because he tries to be funny, which is a funny thing to see. He talked about Granny for a while, but then said some things that I felt applied more to how he'd like us to deal with his death than necessarily how Granny wanted things. We don't really know how Granny wanted us to handle her death, because she didn't talk about death all that much. Definitely not as much as my family does.
One great thing about the service for me and my upcoming little family is that Joy got to see that Toby is as sensitive as I had always promised. For the time that Joy has known Toby, Toby has been in this Doctor/Businessman phase of his life. He is also a husband and a father, which leaves him so worn out that he seems to forget to take off his gruff face and put on the relaxed happy Toby face or the sensitive, caring Toby face.
Steven also got up and spoke. Steven always makes me grin really big when I first see him, because he always looks funny to me. Not funny in that he is weird or anything, just funny because he is always trying to be chill, cool, calm, collected, etc. He does a pretty good job of being that way, because he is always trying to be that way, but I've known this guy for 22 years and I know better. He too got pretty shaken up when he spoke, so he kept his words short and few. The good thing about that is that Joy got to see him be sensitive too.
Joy often thinks of my family as cold and heartless -- especially when compared to me. They do care about people a lot though. There is just something up with my mom and those two brothers that makes them not want to show it. It is pretty funny to me, because they get pretty embarrassed and seem uncomfortable whenever they do something that reveals directly or through implication that they care.
My family is imperfect and flawed just like every family, but I sure like them. It might be just because they're my family, but I get a rush of happiness when I see them. Of course, they also upset me and stuff too, but what else could you expect? They're family!
Posted by David at November 30, 2004 08:17 PMI know the feeling of happiness you get from people getting to see the more intimate or unexpected side of you family, or for that matter, even friends. I find it the case quite often that people form negative notions about one's family in particular..which I can acknowledge as a result of me probably complaining about them too much...However, we all do love our family's..our unique, perhaps odd, but all the same, our OWN family. I'm glad Joy got to see a side of yours that she hadn't before. I always figured, you were a result of that family, so they have to have many a positive, amazing quality to raise you. And I am indeed grateful to them for that....very grateful :-)
Posted by: Jenn at December 7, 2004 05:05 PM