Today in chapel I had a whole pew to myself! I like to keep a positive attitude about things, but this time it is sounding a whole lot easier than it really is.
I think that feeling alone is a pretty bad feeling, but it seems to be a much more intense bad feeling when you feel it in a big group of people. Then, it gets even more intense if the big group of people are friends, family, or people you'd expect to be both. Unfortunately, this seminary experience of mine has been really lonely so far.
I was thinking when I was in chapel, "Wow! I am having another time in my life where I just can't make any friends." This has happened before, but it is (thankfully) pretty unusual. I remember not making many friends when I moved into Trusler in the Spring semester of 2001. By that time everyone had already connected and developed friendships, and people were focused on school and building/maintaining those friendships more than on making a new friend. Also, I had moved into the room taking the place of someone who had been arrested and would likely be committed to a mental institution. It took me almost the entire semester to break the shells of those guys and gain a few friends. I pulled it off, and was on good terms with many of those guys by late April, but then it was time to go again.
This seminary situation seems to be very similar. Once again I come into a large group of (mostly) guys, and I am coming in late. Most of the guys here have already been here a few years, and the freshmen have almost all come into the school a month ahead of time to take Summer Greek. I didn't do this because of Southwestern, and now people seem to be out of relationship building mode and into fleeing hurricanes, working to pay for school, and studying for classes. Unfortunately, this situation is also very different from the dorm situation. I am not living with these guys, so I don't have as much time to interact with them. Instead, the only times I do have to spend with them is during class, which isn't conducive to socializing. Finally, it is much more dire for me, because I don't know too many people here in Orlando. I am starting to pick up friends outside of seminary through work and rekindling old relationships, but generally I have too much time and spend far too much of it alone.
To make all of this worse, a few people in my life are applying pressure for me to make friends here or at least make more Christian friends. You'd think that this would be no problem, because I am a Christian guy too and fairly amiable, but it hasn't been going so well so far.
OK, time to pay attention to class again.
Posted by David at December 1, 2004 10:46 AM