When I hear about people considering marriage or having their first child one of the first and most frequent objections to their consideration is that they aren't ready yet. "Why aren't you ready?" I'll always ask. Their response is that they want to be "set financially" before they either get married or have a child.
I think that this is a popular, but errant line of thinking.
I can't speak for everyone who has ever said this and explain why they say it, but my guess is that they want to reach a state where they feel responsible and ready for children. The truth is that money alone doesn't bring you to that point.
I think that when people consider marriage or children they should be held back by other things. Am I a successful individual? (Not in terms of vocation or finances.) Am I generally happy/content with life? Am I efficient enough at taking care of myself that I have time and energy to spare on a very significant other person?
Generally responsible people will ask all these questions of themselves, but they paint the questions in terms of job security and finances. They'll ask if they are efficient enough at making and using money to have money to spare on another person instead of asking the question in terms of time, energy, and emotional energy.
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I am preparing for a marriage and a wedding now. I am asking myself these questions. I don't always know whether or not I am ready in any of these senses. I also know that I don't really have a first-hand knowledge of what it takes to have a successful marriage or be a successful parent. All I know is that both of these things are extremely important to me and top priorities.
Posted by David at December 31, 2004 04:51 PM