David's Blog

Me

One of my favorite things about the whole concept of diaries, journals, logs, etc. is the fact that eventually someone (usually the author) reads everything that has been written from some time that is many months or years after the time of the writing. This appeals to me because I always liked looking at the scrapbooks that my mom had made when I was growing up and seeing how different I was at different stages of my childhood. Likewise, I think it will be fun to look back after reading my journal and see how much I've grown (or at least changed.)
So, I decided to make a whole category called "me" and maybe even do a series of entries about my likes, dislikes, interests, traits, etc. For example -- the first (second after this one) entry that I plan to do will be about foods that I like and dislike. I think this will be cool because my food tastes have already changed so much in the past few years. It might be fun to look back in a decade or more and see how I've changed. Also, it might be fun for others to comment and let me know how they are similar or different.

Joy's Scooter

Today was a busy day, but most of it was spent receiving and assembling Joy's new scooter. I also went to class, of course, drove out to the edge of the county to return the tiller to the equipemt place, and then made it all the way home by 11AM -- sharp. This is when the scooter was scheduled to arrive.

The scooter finally came at 12:45. It was in this cardboard box, but underneath the cardboard was this metal frame that was painted red, but very poorly because the paint would come right off.
We (Mike, Joy and I) had to take the bike off the frame by disassembling the frame, then we had to assemble this thing. Assembly required a lot of engineering skills. Our engineering tasks were poorly written out in the instructions in an English which used a Chinese interpretation of English grammar. Word economy must have been a big deal to them too, because they left many, many things unsaid... or unwritten.
Anyway, Joy built the battery (think chemistry 2046 lab on steriods here. She had to add the acid to the base in each of six compartments of the battery and then do some other stuff I didn't pay enough attention to) She also screwed on the rear-view mirrors.
Mike and I put on the front tire, the brakes, attached the stearing column and we did some other stuff that wasn't challenging enough to be memorable.
Oh yeah, we had to put oil in it, and gas it up at the end too. That was the part we knew about at the begining of the day though.
Unfortunately, this may all be in vain, because Joy didn't get the right color bike. :) There's more to it than that though. It wasn't even the right bike at all. It looks completely different from the picture! lol! No, seriously there are some major issues with this thing. We were told that we'd just have to add oil and gas and then drive it. There are scratches on it from shipping. The speedometer doesn't always work. The gas tank doesn't lock properly. The biggest problem, though, is that the electric start never worked. This is a HUGE issue to me, because you basically have to kick-start it like you would a lawn mower. OK, maybe the gas cap not locking is big too. I can't decide.
Anyway, the scooter is cool. I like the color more than the color Joy picked out, I don't mind the scratches, and I think that a mechanic can fix the other problems for less than $100, which would still make this scooter a great deal.
It can hold 200 kilos (more than 400 pounds) and still go 55+ Km/h (35 MPH) with two people on it. With just one person it really flies... think 45 to 50 MPH. Also, it goes almost 70 miles on one gallon. (Note: this bike is Chinese everything is in metrics so the tank holds about 5 liters of gas and will then go over 100 Km on that one tank.)
It's silver and black.
K, that's all I can think of for now. I totally lost steam when writing this so it now putters to a stop.

So Much to Write

Today was another huge day. I am beat so I just want to write one quick entry that will serve as a preview entry for the other, more specific ones that are in the works (my head.)
Also, I have to finish up my Noam Chomsky entry sometime soon -- before anyone notices that it's been two days.

Today Mike and I went to an equipement rental place to rent a tiller for the day. That was kinda of interesting because the equipment and the people at these places are so very fascinating.
That took up many, many hours of our day, but I knew I got to stop at 5PM so I could be ready for an interview at 5:45 at Starbucks. The interview was for a new organization at UF that is going to provide a service to the students and employees of UF, and maybe later the surrounding area of Gainesville. The organization is about debt, debt reducation, bankruptcy and the other things that surround this sort of thing. We will be doing one-on-one consulting, seminars, and other things to help people out. Whatever the need is, y'know?
I'm extremely interested in doing this, so I was equally nervous about the interview. Fortunately, it went reasonably well. There were seven people plus the interviewer there. I'm excited and nervous about this whole thing and I am really happy that this will be decided by tomorrow.
OK, so today doesn't sound so huge in writing, but I did do more than two things because I did my regular stuff too. Anyway, I need to get to sleep now.
If you read this before Friday, pray for me and this organization... and that I can serve as a member of it.

Noam Chomsky

I went out to see Noam Chomsky speak tonight. I wasn't sure if he was going to discuss Linguistics or Politics, but I presumed that his speech(?) would be more about politics than anything else. Still, I ventured just in case he mentioned some little something about Ling.
Hmmm... tired now. I'll write more about his speech tomorrow.

No Right Answer

There's no right answer when it comes to people. I've realized that today.

Most of the time I want to do what is right, I want to do what is right by other people and I want as many people as possible to be happy with me. I relate to the character in The Recruit only because I am like him... eager to please.
Being this way, I get really frustrated at times. Sometimes people just don't want to be pleased. Sometimes there is no right answer and no right response.
I don't really feel like deciding, right now, to live my life trying to pursue my own happiness and trying to meet my own selfish desires. I'd like to be a positive force in the lives of others, but I've gotta realize that I will meet frustration along the way. I'd like to live a life that makes God happy, because making myself happy is fleeting, making others happy is fruitless and impossible, and nearly all accomplishments are short lived.
Sometimes losing is the only way to win.
I guess I really should give up on trying to have smooth, pleasant relationships with people, and at the same time give up on trying to change anyone but my self. Jesus taught humility, and asks us to follow Him. Islam means submission. Buddhism, to me, is about submitting your identity and your self completely for enlightenment. Confucius said, "Do not be concerned about others not appreciating you. Be concerned about your failure to appreciate others."
I'd like to be able to give up my self, not concern myself with matters relating to me and submit completely, but I do not know if I will succeed in all of this.
I suppose this all sounds very depressing, but it doesn't have to be that way. I think of this as inspiring in a way. Hopefully, I will finally have a path that I feel comfortable with (Once again I realize that I am wanting the "right" path. I need to realize that I can choose a path that is right, but not necessarily the "right" path. Path righteousness is not definitive nor is it singular.)
I don't feel that I decide that the path I am leading is right, but I do decide which path is right for me.

Small Things

I've recently had some successes with what would normally be considered small things like sleeping and other daily tasks. This is in no small part due to the help of my roommates and my girl friend... without their compliance I'd probably still be messing up the details of my life.
It occurred to me a several weeks ago that I need to start being faithful in these small things, so I have tried to be faithful -- with success all around so far.
I've managed to sleep -- at night -- every night for the past week and a half.
I've managed to go to all of my Arabic classes for more than two weeks now.
I've gotten things around the house more and more "in order."
I've taken care of the 'issue(s)' with Alachua County and the Florida DMV.
I've managed to run twice at least twice a week every week for the past few months.
I've nearly killed my to do list. The only items that remain are cleaning my room, tidying my bathroom and catching up on my Real Estate Analysis readings. (Aside: I don't understand myself. I read and read for a few hours a day online, but when it comes to reading 30 pages twice a week I hit a wall.)
Pray for my attempt to finish those three things, and that I continue with this new attempt at paying attention to the small things.

Categories

I've added some category function to the blog, but it still isn't quite what I want it to be. I don't know enough about coding these things to just go in and get everything the way I'd like it to be. So, I guess I'm just going to have to write out what I want on some paper for now, and stash it away for a day when I can put it all into action.

I'm just adding other thoughts here...
I think it would be cool if I could use this blog as a type of storage cabinet / archive of my thoughts so that I could go through and have a bunch of material if I ever wanted to lead a discussion on something, write a book, or any other thing that comes up that I have time to prepare

Brain Implants Work in Owl Monkeys

I saw this article on MSNBC News. I copied it into the extended entry in case the link died. I'm really interested in this stuff, which is one of the main reasons I wanted to get into Linguistics (to figure out if I could help a machine learn a language). The approach that these guys at Duke took to getting this to work was pretty smart. Instead of trying to train the animal to use the machine they trained the machine to use the animal. Read the article and you'll see what I mean.

Scientists in North Carolina [at Duke] have built a brain implant that lets monkeys control a robotic arm with their thoughts, marking the first time that mental intentions have been harnessed to move a mechanical object.
The technology could someday allow people with paralyzing spinal cord injuries to operate machines or tools with their thoughts as naturally as others today do with their hands. It might even allow some paralyzed people to move their own arms or legs again, by transmitting the brain’s directions not to a machine but directly to the muscles in those latent limbs.
The brain implants could also allow scientists or soldiers to control, hands-free, small robots that could perform tasks in inhospitable environments or in war zones.
In the new experiments, monkeys with wires running from their brains to a robotic arm were able to use their thoughts to make the arm perform tasks. But before long, the scientists said, they will upgrade the implants so the monkeys can transmit their mental commands to machines wirelessly.
“It’s a major advance,” University of Washington neuroscientist Eberhard E. Fetz said of the monkey studies. “This bodes well for the success of brain-machine interfaces.”
SUBTLE ELECTRICAL SIGNALS
The experiments, led by Miguel A.L. Nicolelis of Duke University in Durham, N.C., and published today in the journal PLoS Biology, are the latest in a progression of increasingly science fiction-like studies in which animals — and in a few cases people — have learned to use the brain’s subtle electrical signals to operate simple devices.
Until now, those achievements have been limited to “virtual” actions, such as making a cursor move across a computer screen, or to small two-dimensional actions such as flipping a little lever that is wired to the brain.
The new work is the first in which any animal has learned to use its brain to move a robotic device in all directions in space and to perform a mixture of interrelated movements — such as reaching toward an object, grasping it and adjusting the grip strength depending on how heavy the object is.
“This is where you want to be,” said Karen A. Moxon, a professor of biomedical engineering at Drexel University in Philadelphia. “It’s one thing to be able to communicate with a video screen. But to move something in the physical world is a real technological feat. And Nicolelis has taken this work to a new level by quantifying the neuroscience behind it.”
The device relies on tiny electrodes, each one resembling a wire thinner than a human hair. After removing patches of skull from two monkeys to expose the outer surface of their brains, Nicolelis and his colleagues stuck 96 of those tiny wires about a millimeter deep in one monkey’s brain and 320 of them in the other animal’s brain.
The surgeries were painstaking, taking about 10 hours, and ended with the pouring of a substance like dental cement over the area to substitute for the missing bits of skull.
The monkeys were unaffected by the surgery, Nicolelis said. But now they had tufts of wires protruding from their heads, which could be hooked up to other wires that ran through a computer and on to a large mechanical arm.
Then came the training, with the monkeys first learning to move the robot arm with a joystick. The arm was kept in a separate room — “If you put a 50-kilogram robot in front of them, they get very nervous,” Nicolelis said — but the monkeys could track their progress by watching a schematic representation of the arm and its motions on a video screen.

REWARDED WITH JUICE
The monkeys quickly learned how to use the joystick to make the arm reach and grasp for objects, and how to adjust their grip on the joystick to vary the robotic hand’s grip strength. They could see on the monitor when they missed their target or dropped it for having too light a grip, and they were rewarded with sips of juice when they performed their tasks successfully.
While the monkeys trained, a computer tracked the patterns of bioelectrical activity in the animals’ brains. The computer figured out that certain patterns amounted to a command to “reach.” Others, it became clear, meant “grasp.” Gradually, the computer learned to “read” the monkeys’ minds.
Then the researchers did something radical: They unplugged the joystick so the robotic arm’s movements depended completely on a monkey’s brain activity. In effect, the computer that had been studying the animal’s neural firing patterns was now serving as an interpreter, decoding the brain signals according to what it had learned from the joystick games and then sending the appropriate instructions to the mechanical arm.
At first, Nicolelis said, the monkey kept moving the joystick, not realizing that her own brain was now solely in charge of the arm’s movements. Then, he said, an amazing thing happened.
“We’re looking, and she stops moving her arm,” he said, “but the cursor keeps playing the game and the robot arm is moving around.”
The animal was controlling the robot with its thoughts.
“We couldn’t speak. It was dead silence,” Nicolelis said. “No one wanted to verbalize what was happening. And she continued to do that for almost an hour.”
At first, the animals’ performance declined compared to the sessions on the joystick. But after just a day or so, the control was so smooth it seemed the animals had accepted the mechanical arm as their own.
“It’s quite plausible that the perception is you’re extended into the robot arm, or the arm is an extension of you,” agreed the University of Washington’s Fetz, a pioneer in the field of brain-controlled devices.

MANY POSSIBILITIES
John P. Donoghue, a neuroscientist at Brown University developing a similar system, said paralyzed patients would be the first to benefit by gaining an ability to type and communicate on the Web, but the list of potential applications is endless, he said. The devices may even allow quadriplegics to move their own limbs again by sending signals from the brain to various muscles, leaping over the severed nerves that caused their paralysis.
“Once you have an output signal out of the brain that you can interpret, the possibilities of what you can do with those signals are immense,” said Donoghue, who recently co-founded a company, Cyberkinetics Inc. of Foxboro, Mass., to capitalize on the technology.
Both he and Nicolelis hope to get permission from the Food and Drug Administration to begin experiments in people next year. Nicolelis also is developing a system that would transmit signals from each of the hundreds of brain electrodes to a portable receiver, so his monkeys — or human subjects — could be free of external wires and move around while they turn their thoughts into mechanical actions.
“It’s like multiple cellular phone lines,” Nicolelis said. “As my mother said, ‘You can dial your brain now.’ ”
Significant challenges remain if the technology is to find widespread application in people. Although earlier experiments suggest the electrodes are safe and able to continue functioning for three years or more, longer-term safety studies are needed, and implants with far more electrodes may be required to accomplish anything more than the simplest tasks.
“For something basic like grasping a cup of coffee or brushing your teeth, apparently you could do almost all of this with this kind of prosthesis,” said Idan Segev, director of the center for neurocomputation at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. “If you were a pianist and had a spinal cord injury and you wanted to play Chopin again, then 500 neurons is not enough.”
Still, Segev expressed astonishment at how much the monkeys were able to do with signals from only a few hundred of the brain’s 100 billion or so nerve cells — evidence, he said, that “the brain uses a lot of backup and a lot of redundancy.”
That may explain one of the more interesting findings of the Duke experiments, he and others said: that neurons not usually involved in body movements, including those usually involved in sensory input rather than motor output, were easily recruited to help operate the robotic arm when electrodes were implanted there.
Asked if the monkeys seemed to mind the experiments, Nicolelis answered with an emphatic “No.”
“If anything, they’re enjoying themselves playing these games. It enriches their lives,” he said. “You don’t have to do anything to get these guys into their chair. They go right there. That’s play time.”
© 2003 The Washington Post Company

My Crutch

I've just accomplished three things that have been hanging over my head for two months now. I'm happy about this and feel like I should do something fun because I am so close to being totally caught up with my life, but I feel bored because...

I don't really feel like doing any of the things that normally occupy my time. They're not as exciting right now, because I've just finished such huge things. Also, there are still a few more things that I need to do. Actually, there are about six things for me to do, and I can do each of these six things before my next appointment (scheduled event) which is tongiht at 7:30. One of these six things is something that needs to be done for this appointment. The other five things are things that I can procrastinate on some more.
The annoying thing is that I am so accostomed to having a number of things in the background that I need to do that I am actually kind of afraid of getting everything done. I could easily do all that I need to do before 7:30 tonight. That would mean that when I get home tonight at 10:30 or 11:00 I could go to bed completely done with everything. I would wake up and go to class, then go home again and not have anything pressing to do except driving back to Fort Myers. Once I get there I can accomplish everything that is hanging over my head there too. This is exactly what I've been wanting and praying for for so long, and it is all within my grasp, but I am honestly kind of afraid to get there.
What's wrong with me?

Instant Joking

Me:I'd like to do something with __________, but that is kinda dangerous dream territory, y'know?
Me: It's like... well, David went off the deep end this time.
T: yea
T: definately risky business

Me: Also, there are a lot of other things I'd like to do too. That's the real bitch when it comes down to all of this decision making T -- There are so many things we could do, and presumably do well, but we only have one life... there's only so much you can do at once, and some of these things we'd like to do are almost mutually exclusive, because they'd require us to devote our time to developing different sets of skills
T: must choose wisely
Me: So, then we have to magically weigh all that, make up our minds on a few things and throw the dice, y'know? Unfortunately, I don't really like a crapshoot all that much. I like certainty, damnit! I want to know that I will succeed or at least do damn well before I commit to some crazy idea, y'know?
Me: Exactly! must!
T: haha
Me: Too much pressure.
T: everythings a gamble
T: EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
T: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: So true. We're all gamblers.
Me: ..and gambling almost inevitably leads to alcohol and other escapes.
Me: So, who can blame me for swimming in women and booze for four years?
Me: Y'know!!?!
T: ahh college

Phenomenology: A Quick Thought

I had thought at first that phenomenology was kinda neat sounding, but the more I think about it the more I disagree with the whole thing, and I wanted to record a few quick thoughts on why I disagree before I forget them all.
For the uninitiated... phenomenology is the premise that reality consists of objects and events as they are perceived or understood in human consciousness and not of anything independent of human consciousness.

Why I disagree with this premise...
1. Occam's razor, for me, totally excludes this mode of thought because it requires too much to fall into place to make it valid. First, everything that has perception that is not human perception has been perceived for many, many generations to line up rather well with human perception. Secondly, things existed even when they were not perceived by human consciousness.
Which leads me to another thought -- did our consciousness give birth to the things that we perceived or did these perceivable things give birth to us?
2. I started with a number, but my thoughts are all connected and streaming and thus difficult to number. Besides, I'm trying to joke around on AIM with my friend, so I've lost some of my thougts. Perhaps I'll just post the end of that conversation in addition to this.

Self-censorship

I think it is funny AND depressing that we have all of these freedoms from governmental control of our speech, thoughts, religion, etc, but we can't really use them all because of the social control that is put on all of us by people in our life and outside of it.

It's funny to me because I look at this from a distance, and think "ha! look at those freedoms to do harm go down the drain." Then, on the other hand I am in the situation, and I am saddened by the fact that our freedoms to do good things -- great things even -- are cut short too.
Certainly, it is arguable that one could just adopt a "screw it" attitude and continue on with free expression, but the problem with that is that it leads to social ostracism and/or harassment... at the very least. Dealing with these types of things is often more of a headache than exercising a freedom seems to be worth.
I guess that is the point.
Perhaps it is good that after we have all these freedoms, they are still "in check" by healthy dose of control from the other free people around us. I'm happy that some of the more foolish things that I might think to say have been trained out of me through the fine-tuning efforts of the people around me. At the same time, frustration comes to all who realize that they can't just say whatever they want whenever they want. Especially when they want to say something different that feels like it might be worthwhile.
Another depressing thought is the acknowledgement that today we have individuals oppressing individuals instead of (or maybe in addition to?) groups oppressing individuals or other, smaller (less organized) groups. Actually, perhaps I need to take that back right away, because we also have groups of people oppressing individuals. Just about a week ago some people and some groups were calling for someone's job to be taken away. Perhaps it is a good thing that this happened, and it might even be a good thing that this can happen, but couldn't is just as easily be a bad thing?
I'm not just concerned about the bad thing which is losing your job just because of what you said, I'm talking about the inauthenticity that will naturally come along with this power that people have over others. In the past people would fake it for the monarchy or the communists or whoever... pick your own example. Shoot, this might even happen in a marital relationship where one spouse has too much power. Now it is happening again, and it is happening right where people tried so hard to keep it from having to happen, no?
No.
lol
I actually don't think that the framers of the constitution meant for us to say whatever it is that we feel whenever we feel the compulsion to say it. These guys probably recognized that one just doesn't go around saying anything and everything that he feels. What they felt and probably even recognized was social control.
Social control is a pretty tricky thing. It's hard for me to really understand completely, but I do get some of it. For one, it can get out of hand pretty easily if it becomes too powerful or simply unbalanced. Secondly, social control is pretty darn powerful. It can strip away your ego, leave you emotionally empty or even crippled, it can cause you to lose your job (as mentioned above,) it can even take your life (stoning, witch trials, lynching, etc.).
Social control is such a powerful thing that it is something that needs to be controlled too. I think that the government has a role in this, but I wonder how much governmental control over social control is a good thing for society. Keep reading, but come back to this side thought.
Anyway, I guess that this all applies to blogging somehow. Yeah, it applies because Blogs are subject to social control.
This is a good thing in a way, because it allows us to test ideas against others, and it helps us to grow more in line with social norms and standards.
However, it is bad because it might cause people to be inauthentic or to discuss things that are neutral instead of things that are important or the things that are actually on one's mind. It is also bad because it can be used to silence a blogger completely.
Lastly, it is just plain aggravating sometimes, because of the dread of what other people might say or do due to the blog; because of pointless criticism and nitpicking that some bloggers have to endure; and because of the fact that we have to go elsewhere to record things that just aren't blog-ready even though they might be blog-worthy.

Blog Privacy (Blogvicy?)

Some thoughts about blog privacy.

From my experience and other's experiences I've learned that one probably should limit (or censor) the information one posts about other people by asking for permissions first. I think that there is a definite unspoken rule among all of us that says something to the affect of -- "It is unconscionable to publish Private Information without the express permission of the owner. Private Information is defined as any information that you received from dealings with a person or persons in a private, semi-private, family, business, classroom, club, religiously centered, etc. setting. Violators of this rule will be subject to a variety of consequences both fair and unfair in a swift and not necessarily just fashion." Everything else that's not private to someone else -- like things going on in your head or in your life that aren't a part of someone's private life -- should be published without too much worry.
I think that calling this censorship is a bit wrong though. I think that the right to free speech and the arguments against censorship have more to do with ideas; criticism of organizations and public figures; and self expression. Acting as an uncalled witness against (or even for – in some cases) someone other than yourself, your minor children, or consenting friends and acquaintances is definitely not necessary or "right" unless you feel you have some sort of moral obligation to society to tell their story. I think that [acting as an uncalled witness] is more like gossiping, actually.

Hamster Adventure

Joy has been wanting to get a pet for about two years now, and today she has finally gotten her wish. Four times over.
Here's the story...

Joy decided that since her fish, July, died about a week ago that she needed to get a new pet. She was considering turtles and dwarf hamsters. I wasn't into the whole turlte idea, but I told her to research both animals and find out as much as she can about pet ownership.
Notes: Having a pet is a big deal to me, because they are a responsibility. Pets are living things that should be treated with some respect, and they are also a part of your family that you need to care for constantly. I wanted her to be sure that whatever pet she got would fit in well with her lifestyle, her living situation, and time restraints. End Notes.
So she looked up hamster and turtle information, and decided to go with the dwarf hamsters. She had even found a breeder that was less than ten minutes away.
So Joy, Lana, and I hopped in my car and headed over to PetSmart to get a home for the hamster, because Joy said that you need to have a home ready for them when you get them. When we got to PetSmart we spent a little over an hour just debating the different cage setups and their various prices. The cheapest cage was a small wire cage that cost $18 and change. I was completely sick of the whole process so, I took a seat on the floor and waited for it to end. Finally, Joy took my advice and we went to talk to the breeder about cages.
The breeder's place was pretty fun. They had tons of hamsters in nice, clean storage containers from Target, with freshly shredded office paper as the bedding. The hamsters were all so great that Joy had another hour's worth of trouble trying to decide what to do and which one(s) to get.
I had to talk Joy out of getting a full-sized hamster, and I really wanted her to get more than one, because some hamsters are social and I wanted them to have some company. Finally, I told Joy that if she'd get two famale dwarf hamsters that I'd get two too. That was an easy sell, so we paid ($25) and left with some free supplies.
Wal-Mart: I was in a hurry by this time, and I had a legitamate excuse -- there were hamsters in the car. So, we ran in, grabbed a $2 water bottle for them and the "cage" -- a 24" x 16" x 8.75" lavender Rubbermaid "Roughneck" container -- under $4.
PetSmart: Still in a hurry, but losing focus. I lost my excuse too, because we could bring the hamsters inside. We managed to get a $5 ball for one hamster to run around in, and a special "safety" running wheel. It was purple too and all plastic so that they're little feet don't get stuck. Also, it is cool because three (and maybe four) of them can run on it at once -- $6.
We finally got back to Joy's place and I set up their home. It was pretty cool. The home was all purple and white, while the ball was neon yellow/gold. So, the stuff looks good together.
Oh, I named my hamsters already! One of mine is really, really hyper. She jumps around a lot and has about a four inch vert. She also really seems to like me because she'll jump in my direction for the most part, and always wants me to hold her. Anyway, I was trying to think of a name for her because she hops around so much like a rabbit, and I was thinking... What's Barbie's little sister's name? Lana knew. My first hamster is Skipper.
The next hampster has a purplish sheen (I like purple, by the way) it is noticable if you hold her. I was thinking violet at first, but that was poorly received. My second hamster is Iris.
Joy's hamster names are pending as are the pictures of the four of them. You can see the pictures of the parents now though, and you can know when our hamsters were born too --> August 11th, 18th, and 30th, 2003. (Two of them are sisters)

Smokey. She is the mother of the twins -- Iris and nameless(so far).

Skipper's Dad. I don't know this guy's name, but I do know that he is Skipper's father.

Kelly. This is skipper's mom.

Chocolatte and Monstoro. These are the parents of Dove -- the $10 dwarf hamster that Joy got.

Bandit. Bandit is the lucky father of the twins.

I'll put up the pictures of the four hamsters when I take them. Hopefully Joy names the last one by then.
UPDATE 11/20/2003: I still haven't taken picture of them yet, but they have all had names for a long time so I edited the entry and included them. So, the names are... Skipper, Iris, Olivia, and Dove. Dove also goes by the name "Chubber" because Joy thinks she is so cute because she likes chubbiness, and well... Dove is chubby.

Had it... Just lost it

Sometimes
Bouncing a ball
        is
enlightenment

If I were a Politician -- Iraq

This particular entry has more to do with what I'd do if I were a particular politican at a particular time. Namely, Bush... now.
I probably feel differently than a lot of people on this, and I am almost positive that I feel differentlt than Bush does, but IF I were Bush for the rest of October (or even the rest of his term) this is one of the first things I'd arrange to say. Once that this is "out of the way" I'd say similar things to other people(s), and then... finally... I'd set to work on doing something worthwhile for my country until the end of my term... when I'd announce that I would not seek reelection.

People of Iraq

We, as a nation, feared for our safety. We feared for your safety and the safety of your neighbors. We feared that your former leader, Saddam Hussein, had weapons of mass destruction and ill will toward us and others. We knew that he has killed many people already. We feared that he would do it again.
We were wrong about the weapons of mass destruction. We may have been wrong about Saddam Hussein’s intentions, but we can never know that. We wronged this nation in an attempt to do what we felt was right, and we apologize. We apologize because we killed many people, destroyed many buildings, and we have caused great suffering and loss.
We cannot undo these things that we have done.
We can help to restore your nation.
We have a strong desire to help rebuild your nation – your country – because we want to rebuild our relationship with all Iraqis and all of the Arab world.
We feel that we share a responsibility to help restore Iraq to the nation that it was before 2003, and – if it is possible – make it even better.
So, today I am here to admit to my wrongdoing, apologize, request the forgiveness of the entire nation and all the people in it, offer to earn that forgiveness, and ask for your help.
Yes, I need your help. America needs the help of Iraq and all Iraqis. We need your help to restore your nation as much as possible, and to maybe even make it better. We need Iraqis to take positions of leadership, positions of faith and trust. We need Iraqis to help clear away the debris of the war that we waged. We need cooperation, because without it we can do nothing.
…
… (More inspiring politician-type stuff)
...
We need to go home, and stay home, until a day when you invite us to return.
May God bring that day to us soon.

NOTES:
I'm sure a real speech writer could do a much better job, but that pretty much says everything that I feel, everything I hope others feel, and everything I'd want to say if I could.
I recognize that this would fix neither all the wrong that we've done nor all the wrongs that others perceive that we've done, but I think that meaning all of these things would really help -- no matter how we say it. Besides, we're the larger nation, maybe we can back that up and be, well... you know
Also, I really think that it would be good if peoples tried to make up after a fight/war, move on with life, and not give anyone a decent reason to hate.

The Libertarian/Authoritarian Switch

Today I'm writing about a change that I've noticed that takes place in some people when they transition from a position of no authority or responsibility to a position of responsibility and authority.
The change I've noticed is that some people who are libertarian when they are under someone else's authority become more authoritarian when they are the authority. This also occasionally works in reverse where young authoritarians become libertarian when they come to power.

I'll start with two definitions. They're going to be my slightly reworked definitions for this entry, but they still fit within standard dictionary definitions.
Libertarian (n): Someone who advocates maximizing individual rights and minimizing the role of any/all authority.
Authoritarian (n): Someone who advocates obedience to authority. Also, someone who expects obedience to authority.
Both of these definitions are probably slightly more moderate than the definitions roaming our collective heads or our dictionaries, but I feel that it is rather rare that anyone is an absolute adherent to the vague, unclaimed personal doctrines that are often described in terms of absolutes.

I like to theorize about the observations that I make, so I have a thought about this set of observations too. The thought is this (in first person and in third person) --
If I have a deep respect for others I might show this at an early age by acting as an authoritarian. I will listen to my parents and the other authority figures in my life. I will also act as an authoritarian in my adult life when I am under the authority of employers, sports officiators, governments, etc. Later in life, when I become a parent, an employer, an officiator, or a government officer I will adopt more of a libertarian stance -- out of the same deep sense of respect for others. I will want to maximize the rights over those whom I have authority.
This person is the person that follows his parent's guidance without question, and then gives loving guidance with sufficient (for the child) explanation as a parent.
If I have a high sense of self and want to claim as many rights for myself as possible, I will act as a libertarian when I am a youth and under the authority of adults. I will also act as a libertarian as an adult if I am under the authority of employers and governments. However, my strong sense of self and desire to maximize my rights will cause me to deny my usual libertarian stance and opt for a more authoritarian stance when I become a parent, (and thus hold responsibility for my children) an employer, or other authority figure. This is because my desire for more rights, privileges, etc will win out, which will manifest itself in wanting/demanding that things under my authority act according to my wishes.
This person is the person who resists his parent's guidance whenever it is unwanted, and then gives orders that must be unquestionably followed as a parent later in life. (Think corporate ex-hippie who demands obedience from his chidren)
These people who switch from libertarianism to authoritarianism are not acting out of principle. Instead they claim a principle that matches their actions. Some even have the nerve to claim a moral high-ground as well.

These observations and thoughts of mine have impacted the way I see the world and people in it. Normally, I'm moderate so I am pretty indifferent to people who are either authoritarian or libertarian, but now that I've thought about it I think that I am fine with people who are consistently, but not overtly or extremely, authoritarian in both situations of life. I am also fine with people who are consistently, but not extremely, libertarian in both life situations. These people are obviously acting out of a principle that they feel strongly about and adhere to in all situations.
I have the most respect, however, for people who act as an authoritarian when they are under someone else's authority, and then change to act as a more of a libertarian when they hold authority over others. Of course, the converse is also true. I have little to no respect for someone who acts as a libertarian as a youth, employee, citizen, etc, and then takes on the role of the authoritarian when they come to power, thereby giving both libertarianism and authoritarianism a bad name.

Man, I really should have set up some abbreviations for the more oft-used terms
in this entry. Oh well, editing is for future David.

New Habit!

I hope to start a new habit today. I don't know how well it is going to work for me, because, well, this is the first day, but I'm giving it a shot.
I plan to run to school every morning.
This is going to take a while to get used to doing, because school is just about three miles away from my house. I want to pack up my backpack every night with my books and some clothes and then run with my backpack to Joy's apartment/dorm. When I get there I will shower, dress, and walk another half mile to my class. Since that class starts at 9:35 I think that I will leave my house at 8:00, which should give me enough time to run, shower, dress, and walk to class.
Wish me luck, I'll need it!

UPDATE
OK, it was raining this morning -- I think -- so I didn't run to Joy's place until this evening. When I did, I decided to do it with the backpack to simulate the actual morning run.
The current backpack idea is a mistake. I definately need a backpack with both waist and shoulder straps to keep the pack from bouncing around on me.

My Florida Teams Disappoint

I don't understand this season. My Florida teams are the Gators and the Bucs, but it seems like I might have love for the wrong teams this year, because Miami (5-0) and FSU (5-0) are still both undefeated, the Marlins won their series and will be hosting the Cubs, a team that hasn't won a series in nearly a century. Even the 'Phins (3-1) are taking care of business so far.
Why are my teams sucking it up in terms of securing the W?

The Gators have a high-caliber team this year that is capable of upsetting even the mighty 'Canes, but that lead was let go in the second half, and the Gators lost by 5. Then Tennessee makes its way to the Swamp, gets a huge (lucky) hail Mary right before the end of the half and sets the Vols up for their 14 point win. This Saturday, Ole Miss comes to town, and we started off beating them too, but no... three interceptions later we've earned another L by three points.
Now that I've put some thought into this Gator football problem, I'd have to say that interceptions are an overlooked flaw of our team. Many people are upset with our new coach, Ron Zook, for poor coaching, but I think throwing a minimum of one INT every game since the opener could be enough to lose by the amounts we're losing by. Here's the rundown of INTs so far this season. Leak has seven and Martin has 2.
San Jose St. 65-3 W INTs -- 0
Miami 35-38 L INTs -- 1 (Leak)
FL A&M 63-3 W INTs -- 1 (Martin)
Tennessee 10-24 L INTs -- 2 (Leak & Martin)
Kentucky 24-21 W INTs -- 2 (Leak)
Mississippi 17-20 L INTs -- 3 (Leak)
It's not punny how aptly named Leak seems right now.
On to the Bucs...
The Bucs also have a high-caliber team. They've got an awesome coach in John Gruded. They are 2-2 right now. What's the deal with that? Moreover, what is this emotion jerking that is going on with both of these teams!?! The Gators have had three crazy fourth quarters so far. I think I know (within reason) the outcome of the game and then the magical fourth quarter comes along and -poof- everything is different. (Note: I didn't mind this so much in the Kentucky game two weeks ago.) Now, this seems to have infected the Bucs who have managed to lose their two home-games in OT, which probably has something to do with the away team getting to call the coin flip, but that is a whole seperate entry. Anyway, I went to bed tonight pretty satisfied with what I thought was going to be a Bucs victory. We were up 21-0 at the end of the half. We had seven or more points on the Colts for just about the entire game, and then we let the strut happily out of Ray Jay with our W.
All I'm saying is that I am hating this season. I don't think my teams are indominable, and I never have, but when we put up huge scores against the teams that I think will beat us, and then end up with a loss in the final few minutes I feel jerked around. These two teams are not .500 teams, yet they are, and it looks like it can only get worse for UF who is facing some more really great teams these next few weeks.

Depressed

Tonight I am depressed. I'm not really happy at all. I have a headache. My eyes hurt so badly that they are constantly watering and they are light sensative to boot, so I am having to type without looking at my computer. So, please excuse the errors that are sure to come.

Now that I am thinking about blogging things, I remember my post about anger. Depression is supposedly caused by anger. I can kinda see that now.
I AM angry. I'm upset with my girlfriend because she demands that I be perfect and is pissed when I am anything but, I am upset with my brother, whom I live with because he is basically a jerk to me all the time. He refuses to start any conversations with me, he uses my stuff and treats it poorly, and he also expects me to be perfect. The other people I live with are also kinda upsetting me. I'd like to play my gamecube game, because I just got it Friday, but this other roommate and his live-in gf have been watching TV ever since I woke up. Chances are reasonably good that they were even watching before I got up. When they weren't watching TV, the TV was still on, leaving me to believe that they were watching. They watched two NFL games. I got to play my game at one point in the begining of one of them, because they weren't too interested in the game at that point.
Anyway, they've been in that room all day. This is extremely unusual and is coming at a time when I'd like to have played my game. So, it got under my skin. Not really anything worth writing about or complaining about, but I am complaining right now so, I added it to the list.
I'm also upset with my brother because he makes huge messes in the kitchen which require me to either clean up after him or not use the kitchen. The first thing is annoying, because it is a huge mess. Think gourmet; think not putting anything away... even half a bowl of unused pancake batter or a stick of unused butter. Think splatter. Think food burned to stuff. Shoot, This might be time for a picture... or two
OK, so I clean up after him and so does my roommate, but this is annoying on an emotional level because he takes such pride in getting other people to do work for him. It's like his love language is acts of service, but it got twisted because he's evil. Evil in an I have to daily lock the door to my room because I don't trust him at all kinda way. Evil in an... wait... I'll just mention that he is living here to go to Law School after three years of trying to make it in Hollywood. That worked. Those two details defame his character enough as it is -- I need say no more.
Anyway, I am depressed right now. It might be caused by anger, but that doesn't really much matter. The problem I have now is that I am depressed. I feel like I don't get along all that well with the people I live with, and I am concerned that this might be my fault. This exacerbates my problem with the amount of pressure I feel dur to the perfectionistic people I have in my life -- myself very included. This pressure is depressing me because, well, I'm concerned that I will have troubles that I cannot solve.
Dude, it really sucks being a person. Let me preach to the choir on this issue for a bit...
1. It sucks to be a person because we're all stuck on this Earth until we die.
2. It sucks to be a person because we're all messed up to some extent. We've all got problems, we all forget things, fail at things, get angry, blah, blah, blah... this list of reasons and ways taht we are less than perfect and criticizable is endless.
3. It sucks to be a person because we all have egos, which cause bad things like pride, perfectionism, a desire to be better than human, and the desire to live and live.
4. It sucks to be a person because we have all the desires listed in #3, but we have all the failings listed in #2.
Realization! It just occured to me that I wrote criticizable up above. Criticism is something that I left out in my earlier discussion about the things that have me angry. I mentioned that people want for me to be perfect, but I failed to mention that people criticize me and others a lot. (Note: For some inexplicable reason I am very bothered when other people are criticized and the criticism occurs in my presence.) I come under criticism. I don't really like this. Some people dislike criticism because they feel it is undeserved. This happens to me occasionally, but a lot of the time I feel that it is deserved too. Either way, I'm left feeling bad. In fact, I feel badly even if someone else is being criticized. Why do people do this criticism thing? I even do it! Grrrrrr...
There are so many reasons not to be critical, and so few reasons for it, and yet people continue to feel like they are in the position to pass down criticism. Some even feel like it is alwas a positive thing, because life completely devoid of criticism would be bad. Can't there be some sort of balance? Hopefully, a balance tilted toward less criticism.
Whoa... I just hit some sort of something, because I am wiped. I am completely sick of typing, and I am sick of this thought process. So, THE END. I guess I'll click save, publish this, and let any who pass to read criticize away in their heads or the comment box. Yeah, I'm depressed.

Political Compass

I don't really remember how, but through my surfing I've run across a site that I kinda like... because of the idea behind it. It's a British site, so the spellings are unnatural to me, the site is not all that well designed, and I am not too sure about the validity of the results, but its still worth a look. Go, take the test before you read the rest of this entry.

Alright, what did you get? I was pretty moderate. I thought that was strange, but then I realized that my extreme views on all sides probably evened themselves out.
OK, more seriously, I was in the Authoritarian Left. I scored a -1.50 on the Economic axis and a 2.41 on the Libertarian/Authoritarian axis. I'm not too suprised by the latter of the two, but I did think that I would be slightly to the right on the economic side of things. Especially after I looked through the book choices. Oh well, I guess these tests weight all things evenly, even though most of us do not. Also, it could be that I feel strongly about the few of my more left-leaning economic views, but I am less passionate about the rmany ight-leaning questions that they asked.

On a side note, I think it would be cool to make a personal profile of sorts of what my views on different social and economic issues are. The profile would need to be updatable, of course, because people (I) tend to change my mind on some of these things. Also, I'd like to have a place to include my thoughts, arguments, or reasoning for siding with whatever view I hold.

Going Wherever

I was eating breakfast at 2:30 this afternoon, and something dawned on me that has me kind of excited right now.

I realized that after college I don't really have to do much of anything. Sure, I'll need to find a job of some sort within three or four months of graduating -- depending on how much money I have left after college, but I don't really have to do anything.
I realized that I could pack up all of my stuff after college and move wherever I want. Once I'm there I could look around for a job. I don't need to be highly paid. I don't need to fear being alone.
It's really fantastic realizing that the connections to certain ideas in my mind are actually quite britle. I need not hang on to notions of being successful, wealthy, or having certain things. I don't need to be afraid of the notion that I might be somewhere without my friends, because I've already gone through that and survived. I guess I could worry about having absolutely no money, but I think that at my age and with a college degree, I could probably find a job that will pay me enough for food, clothes, gas, and rent -- at least. That's all I really need anyway.
Well, now I am pretty happy, because instead of wondering about what kind of job I am going to get after college I think I'll wonder about what kind of place I could live in after college. I'm thinking that I could move to Colorado Springs, somewhere in Texas, stay in Florida, or go out to California. I could probably even move to a city where one of my family members lives -- a notion that seems completely new to me. I had always felt that a city that already has a brother or a sister in it was sort of "taken" and not to be used, but I could live in Fort Myers again, or in Palo Alto, and I bet it wouldn't be so terrible.
Man, life really doesn't need to be that difficult. I wonder why it so often is.

Role Playing

I have had problems in my life with doing the small, seemingly asinine things that are required of me on a regular basis. Things like cleaning my room, taking out the trash, washing dishes, mowing the lawn, laundry, etc. These things always seemed so tedious to me, and I really did hate them. Until something clicked. I played RPGs. I did asinine chores. I did things for school. I ate. I slept. I played games again. Why did it take so long for me to realize…this thing?

Maybe there is a reason I -- and so many people like me -- enjoy role playing games. Sure, I’ve heard the theories about how it is an escape because you get to leave the real world and go into fantasy mode, but that doesn’t work so well to explain the popularity of games like The Sims. My thought is that maybe we have an innate desire to play a role. It’s a nice thought really, because it nicely explains the joy that I get from playing RPGs, but it does more than just that for me. It helps me enjoy life.
I had a second, co-occurring realization.
If I played my role in real life I might be able to better my life just like I do over and over again in every RPG I play. In fact, maybe I could live real life much life I would play an RPG. I’ve already started and gotten past the newbie stage so that makes it all the more engaging. Hmmm… So, what are my typical activities in an RPG? Do stuff to gain experience. Do stuff to get more money. Do stuff to get cooler items. Go places to talk to people. Make friends. Seek help. Sleep. Travel. Put on my robe and wizard hat. Drink. Rest. Meditate. Work / Fight. Go on large-scale adventures. All of these things have one thing in common – action. I must do stuff. It’s funny how I can realize that the little things you do in an RPG have a purpose, but I miss that point in real life. Sometimes, I think I am lucky that my body nags me when I need to use the restroom, eat and sleep, because I might not otherwise do those things.
Anyway, the point of all of this is that I realized something a while back. I need to do the little things for a reason. Even if I am unable to see what I am gaining from the meaningless activities I have to have faith that they are part of progressing in the game to the better parts.

Now for some other thoughts/quotes:
I want to serve, because service brings God pleasure, and we all are happy when we feel his pleasure.
“All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.” -- Shakespeare